i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
