i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My ass is underappreciated
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
