Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
