I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
