I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
