Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
