i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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