i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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