today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
