I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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