your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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