Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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