Already got asked if we're dating
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
