is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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