Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
