Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
