And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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