Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
