im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
