she was so not down for the gang bang
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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