so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
