My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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