i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
