When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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