Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
