I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
