My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
