My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
