some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
