New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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