ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just pee around me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
