theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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