it was like getting a handjob from robocop
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How does one acquire holy water?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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