I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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