this beer tastes like vomit already
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
