kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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