I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
