i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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