once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you never un-have a 4some
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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