Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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