Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
