Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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