A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
