Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
