She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
