Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Someone came in the potted fern
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
