He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
