i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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