I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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