Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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