yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
